XXXTENTACION Taught Me Non-Judgement
This is a very hard post for me to write.
I think non-judgment as a concept is something that has been presented since childhood to most people with any kind of religious background. Yet, I know very few people who actually grasp the concept and even attempt to practice it. The very notion of non-judgment seems to land as very abstract even to myself up until early 2017 when I accidentally made friends with a controversial rapper named Jahseh.
I know people have so many strong feelings about this person so If you decide to hate me, unfriend me, try to kill me, whatever over this post, I understand and I don't judge you. I still love you. I know you're just doing your best with the tools and information that you have at this very exact moment. But if you are searching hard for peace, I hope one day that you learn to stop judging. Not just others, but mostly yourself. The day you stop judging everything around you I promise that the love in your life will increase tenfold. And that's the truth that I believe we are all searching for on this earth. LOVE.
I honestly spent all of 2015 & 2016 fueled by the fire of a rage that felt necessary for me at the time. Being aware of so many things wrong in society, it just felt right to judge and call people out and fight against injustice. I still think peoples rage for the status of many social issues is justified and I will never try to push my way on someone who is living their truth to push things towards the better.
I just know for me, the fact is that this period for me, was also a very unhappy time in my personal life and I wasn't doing very much in the way of helping to facilitate real world changes for the better. I was just lashing out as much as I could against things/people that were yes, actually "wrong" and then feeling a temporary feeling of superiority.
I think we are all called to different things and have different purposes. All of this love and nonjudgment, spirituality etc, is where I am at exactly *now*, where I feel I've always been building towards, and also where I am finding my greatest peace and biggest blessings. This is the capacity in which I believe I can make the biggest impact on others, and that is my true purpose. Thus it is right for me, and maybe it will resonate for you as well (if not thats OK and I honor your individual path).
Back to X, the reasons we became close are private and I choose to keep them sacred, but it was definitely a surprise when he appeared in my life and it was unusual circumstances that made me open to receiving him. I was just 6 months into a realization that I needed to focus on the things I wanted, instead of funneling my energy into everything I *didnt* want to exist...so really a baby Positivity Princess but I was watching my life unfold and change for the better like it was magic. X was also seeking to be on this path.
In the past I judged him. Harshly. In the beginning of our interactions I admit I was terrified of him and kept waiting for him to reveal himself as a monster. He never did. In fact, he showed me a greater capacity for love and forgiveness than anyone I've ever met. So many of our traits, past traumas, and future goals mirrored each other and for the first time in my entire existence I felt SEEN, HEARD, and VALUED for all that I am. As months trickled by I could no longer hold onto judgement, I simply had to accept him at face value for the person he was in the moments that we shared. That feeling of NON-JUDGEMENT started to grow rapidly inside of me and began extending to myself, my experiences, and all of humanity.
We are all beings made of the same thing. At our worst, we are all demons. And at our best, we can all return to being angels.
I love you, X. Thank you for being one of my greatest teachers. I miss you every day and I promise to never stop spreading positivity and to always continue the work that we started. To help heal others as well as ourselves. So grateful that I got to experience your love and energy in this lifetime. I'll see you in the next.