What’s your story?
More specifically, what is the story about YOURSELF that you tell yourself the most when you’re alone or when things start going wrong?
When something bad happens many times we will compound this single experience to every bad thing that ever happened to us. We dwell on all our deepest darkest insecurities and see this bad experience as proof that they are all true.
Stuff like: “no one loves me, no one will ever love me, im unworthy of love, i’m going to be alone forever, everyone i get close to will always leave me…” or “money troubles always surround me, i’m never able to get ahead no matter how hard i work, i was never meant to make it in this world…’
The story you tell yourself, about yourself, directly has an impact on your actions, beliefs and life. Whether you realize it or not. If you are repeating a negative story to yourself, it is quite possible you then act certain ways because of the thoughts, that re-create the same situations over and over again -- the situations that you hate and are so desperately avoiding!
What if I told you that the reason for repeated negative patterns in your life, might actually be YOU and this bad old story you keep re-telling yourself...and is not actually an accurate reflection of your destiny or worthiness.
Now, it’s not your fault. Don’t come to this realization and start to be hard on or judge yourself. Something probably happened to you that really hurt you, and you started trying to protect yourself instinctively, the best way you knew how.
Here’s an example I feel comfortable sharing: in my upbringing I was often abandoned and deprived of love, which left me with a really flimsy sense of self-worth and a really BIG desire for things like love, consistency, and validation -- all of which I had been taught that I ultimately didn’t deserve.
When I grew old enough to start relationships of my own, I did everything in my power to avoid ever feeling abandoned again. I would simultaneously cling tightly to someone without letting them know me well. If I felt they were getting really close, I would get uncomfortable and act out bizarrely or test their devotion because I was scared to get close to someone and get abandoned.
It would be my strange and unhealthy behavior that pushed interested people away and cause them to ultimately abandon me, not my level of worthiness. Yet, every time it happened I would spiral and add it to my story: “no one has ever loved me, no one is ever going to love me, maybe i’m just meant to be alone on this earth blah blah blah…” and the pattern would continue and worsen.
We do this SO much every day with things big and little. That is why I believe the stories we tell ourselves are SO important and why I work so hard to program my own mind to function as the person I CHOOSE to be in this world, instead of building my personality around every trauma or negative experience, or even my current circumstances.
Some lighter examples are:
- Not pursuing physical activity because you believe you are “not athletic”, when the truth is that anyone who makes an effort to build core strength and learn a few fundamentals can look, feel and be “athletic” and even people without limbs have trained themselves to be fully-fledged athletes.
- Thinking you can never be wealthy because you grew up poor, when there are plenty people who have made it from even worse backgrounds than you.
- Not taking your chance with someone you’re attracted to because of you feel insecure about your body-type, when your exact body type might actually have been their PREFERENCE.
IT’S TIME TO CHANGE YOUR STORY. IT’S TIME FOR ALL OF US TO CREATE NEW NARRATIVES FOR OURSELVES AND LIVE A LIFE OF OUR OWN CREATION NO MATTER WHAT HAS HAPPENED IN THE PAST OR HOW MANY TIMES IT HAPPENED.