My Dark is Too Dark

I’m not into positivity because I’m just naturally this optimistic ray of fucking sunshine. Positivity is the PRACTICE I choose for my day to day because I want to survive in this world and my dark is too dark.

I am writing this post to honor my darkness. Not so much for myself, but because part of my initial criticism of the personal development/self-help space was that many of it’s leaders and content creators appear to be so fucking antiseptic. I think being so squeaky clean enlightened and above it all can lead to making people who are struggling feel even more isolated.

I am deeply flawed. I have experienced much trauma. I am drawn to darkness. I have often found it difficult to even exist. Up until recent years my life has been filled with what felt like the deepest most never-ending suffering and pain. I still slip and struggle and battle heavy thoughts.

I didn’t decide to get into positivity one day because I strived to be some bright bubbly person. I started trying to grasp mental mastery and learn new tools for coping with life because at a very base level, I just wanted to survive. I wanted to be alive. I wanted to learn one day what my world would feel like if it wasn’t filled with pain. The positivity came later after I learned to be well.

It’s not delusional, It’s not one size fits all, it’s not a cure all. It doesn’t mean that darkness does’t exist or that everything is perfect. Positivity is merely a blanket term for a large array of helpful tools that I choose as the core foundation for my lifestyle.

I’ve experienced firsthand (and continue to experience every day) that this is the best way FOR ME to exist in this world, enjoy life, and be of greater service to others.

I share my messages just in case they can help anyone else experience less pain.

xx

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