How Positivity Became My Lifestyle
As of today, I can honestly say that I am truly a positive person living a positive lifestyle. Like, yes bitch, I am REALLY like this. Most days I go to bed and wake up happy, grateful and/or content. When upsetting things happen I no longer let them hijack me and knock me off my path. I’m not waiting for some magical milestone to happen before I start living my best life (wealth, weightloss, status etc) I’m living it RIGHT THE F now!
I take good care of myself, my house, my things, those around me. I try to live in a way that is mindful of other beings and my impact on the environment. I almost never waste my time speaking poorly of others or even letting those kind of thoughts occupy space in my head. I am EXTREMELY intentional with all of my words, down to even what I am willing to say as an instagram comment or tweet because I know that *ANYTHING* I give energy to, grows -- even just a simple thought. I also train myself to not experience stress or fear (these feelings directly oppose my FAITH and CONFIDENCE in my higher power) and spend most of my days not experiencing these feelings despite anything that happens to me!
I’m not saying all of this to gas myself. I’m saying it because I wasn’t always this way. I probably *thought* I was a positive PERSON because I had been through a lot and wasn’t like, a murderer or anything, but now that I live an extremely mindful and positive LIFESTYLE, I can look back and see that I really lived with a lot of negativity and darkness -- I wasted years not experiencing my own blessings because I was always looking into the future with fear and anxiety wondering what would happen “if I didn’t make it.”, I battled with symptoms of PTSD from childhood trauma that consumed most of my life that I had written off as incurable and felt profoundly victimized by. The narrative in my head was that I would start enjoying life once I achieved the perfect combination of financial wealth, status, and weightloss...until then I was a “HUSTLER” which really felt more like a hamster in a wheel with lots of determination and overwhelming anxiety, who never lived in the present moment.
Just to note, I don’t look back at my former lifestyle with anything but compassion. I don’t judge myself because I know I was just doing the best that I was capable of at the time, and everything I’ve experienced has led to exactly where I’m supposed to be: right here, right now, explaining to you that a mindset shift is possible for ANYONE who desires.
Someone wrote to me on instagram and asked me to write about HOW I became so positive and it was really because my life felt like it was falling apart and it was a place I had found myself in time and time again despite an entire lifetime of HUSTLING.
Like I consistently leveled up on the surface -- from my time being a ratchet little girl living in government housing, all the way up to being a celebrity makeup artist living in a gated community in Calabasas, I found that my problems were always the same: I never had enough money, things were always falling apart somehow, chaos and drama swirled around me, people who I cared about often abandoned me and I almost always felt alone/unloved.
When you try so incredibly hard and keep having the same problems you can start to feel cursed or doomed and that’s an incredibly dark space to be in. It led me to a mindspace where I briefly considered giving up completely but instead I sat with myself and all my pain, truly felt it, and came to the realization that the common denominator in all of this was ME and that if I truly wanted to LIVE, I would have to become accountable for myself, and attempt to make some shifts so that I wouldn’t have to spend the rest of my life coming back to this space again.
I’m not sure how or why that finally clicked for me after all these years, but it did. I guess they call that Divine Guidance. Maybe that’s something that is happening for you, right now.
It didn’t all just switch over for me overnight, it’s a practice I’m still working on and getting stronger at 1 year and 8 months later. But I worked on it every single day until it became as effortless as the air I breathe.